15 Craziest Things Peter Griffin Did on 'Family Guy'
Prick up your ears!
Seth MacFarlane’s Family Guy consistently pushes the comedic envelope in TV programming with little regard for decorum. The exploits of the Griffin family have dazzled, delighted and even disgusted audiences for the better part of two decades. They’re basically a modern-day blend of The Flintstones (1960-1966) and The Jetsons (1962-1963) with a dash of the original Looney Tunes (1929-1969) thrown in for good measure.
In most instances, each of the Griffin clan rock the boat in their own unique ways. Young Stewie (MacFarlane) is constantly trying to assert his will on mankind, while the dog Brian (MacFarlane) is usually too drunk to care about anything. The wife Lois (Alex Borstein) is both sane and sassy, while the oldest kids Chris (Seth Green) and Meg (Mila Kunis) both deal with adolescence under the umbrella of their parents’ lunacy.
But it is the family’s patriarch Peter (MacFarlane) who usually causes the most mischief. His lack of intelligence and proclivity for causing catastrophic problems led to some of the most cockamamie moments in T.V. history.
Here are the 15 Craziest Things Peter Griffin Did on 'Family Guy.'
15. Opted for Plastic Surgery
Peter’s absurdity reached epic proportions on the egomaniacal scale in the season two episode “He’s Too Sexy for His Fat” (2000). Struggling to lose weight, Peter’s son Chris sought out his father for guidance.
After his friend Cleveland (Mike Henry) suggested Chris get liposuction, Peter was intrigued and underwent the procedure himself. But the madness didn’t stop there. To further improve his physical appearance, Peter pursued plastic surgery and had himself sculpted into an Adonis.
Perfected Peter suddenly found himself ogled by his wife, admired by his family and invited to be a member of the Quahog Beautiful People’s Club. But the dream was short lived. Peter suffered a terrible car accident which led to him plummeting into a lard factory. After consuming large quantities of the fat, Peter woke up in hospital as his old, chubby self.
14. Sued Dr. Hartman
Things got a little touchy for Mr. Griffin in the season five episode of Family Guy, “Stewie Loves Lois” (2006). While visiting Dr. Hartman (MacFarlane) for a simple flu shot, the physician noticed Peter hadn’t received a prostate exam.
Hartman tried to perform the test, but once he put his finger in Peter’s butt things got a little out of hand. Thanks to his limited capacity for rational thought, Peter believed the doctor violated him. He lumbered from the office, with his pants around his ankles, and he cried all the way home. Peter convinced his friends Cleveland, Joe (Patrick Warburton) and Quagmire (MacFarlane) Hartman was a deviant and together they sued the physician.
Hartman was found guilty, lost his medical license and became a social pariah. But once Peter started peeing all the time, he realized something might be wrong with his prostate. When Dr. McCoy from Star Trek refused to help, Peter pleaded for Dr. Hartman’s assistance. The doctor obliged, and Peter went before the judge to have the judgment of the court reversed.
13. Beat Up a Teenage Bully
No subject is too taboo for the showrunners of Family Guy, so it wasn't a surprise when bullying was a prevalent feature of the season five episode “The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou” (2007). What was a shock was the manner in which Peter Griffin dealt with his son's bully.
The new kid Kyle (Keir Gilchrist) not only stole Chris’ paper route, but he also beat him up. Peter decided to personally handle the situation by talking with Kyle’s parents. Concerned, they allowed Peter to discuss the matter with their son who was alone in his bedroom.
Once the bully became belligerent with Peter, Mr. Griffin lost his cool. In one of the most disturbing moments on the show, Peter proceeded to beat the crap out of the teenager. Swollen and shattered on the floor of his bedroom, Kyle cried helplessly as Peter slipped out the window and frantically ran home. Unbelievably, everything worked out in the end, and Peter didn’t go to jail for physically abusing a 13-year-old kid.
12. Killed Quagmire's Cat
Peter’s clueless nature was on full display in the season seven episode “420” (2009). Quagmire, who was best-known for his womanizing ways, became insufferable when he got a new cat named James. With James in Quagmire's life, suddenly everything revolved around Quagmire's feline pet.
Disgusted with how the cat changed Quagmire’s personality, Peter and his friends snuck over to Quagmire’s house while he was out of town. Joe suggested it might be fun to shave James. So, Peter pulled out a straight razor and approached the unsuspecting kitty.
With the first stroke of the blade, Peter accidentally killed James! Peter and Brian loaded the cat into the car and proceeded to hide the body. Distraught, Quagmire longed for his missing pet. He offered a reward of $50 in return for information which might lead to James' whereabouts. Peter gleefully swiped the money from Quagmire and admitted to offing the poor cat.
11. Participated in the Gay Gene Medical Study
Family Guy courted controversy in the past, but in the episode “Family Gay” (2009), the showrunners explored whether or not being gay was genetic. Peter's latest brain fart led him to becoming a horse breeder. When that blew up in his face, and drove the family further into debt, Mr. Griffin had to figure out a way to make money quickly.
Peter submitted himself for a medical study, which involved him being injected with the so-called gay gene. After exposure, Peter in fact transformed from a heterosexual to a homosexual. The metamorphosis caused him to leave Lois for his new boyfriend/soulmate, Scott (John G. Brennan).
Brian tried to help by enrolling Peter in a straight camp, but he would have none of it. However, the effects of the faux gene therapy were short lived. As he started to engage in a large orgy with Scott, and a number of other gay men, Peter slowly turned back into his old self.
10. Had an Affair with the Kathy Ireland Cutout
The bartender Horace (John G. Brennan) revealed he had an old promotional beer cutout of model Kathy Ireland he planned to throw away. Peter took it off his hands instead. As Billy Ocean’s "Suddenly" set the mood, Peter danced with Kathy and then proceeded to take her home.
The idiotic Peter went as far as asking his wife Lois for a divorce! Lois decided to wait things out, and when Chris invited Kathy into his bedroom for some extracurricular activity, Peter snapped. He violently shook the cutout until Kathy’s head snapped off. Frantically, Peter proceeded to bury Miss Ireland in the front yard.
9. Breastfed Stewie
Peter’s maternal side awkwardly emerged after he was forced to attend a women’s retreat in the episode “I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar” (2000). After being sued by a co-worker for sexual harassment, Peter was forced to participate in the retreat in order to keep his job and avoid a lawsuit.
While Peter’s understanding of women deepened, he took the sensitivity training a bit too far. It started off harmlessly enough, as Peter lovingly helped his wife Lois out around the house, but things took an ominous turn with their toddler Stewie.
Peter gently rocked his son to sleep in his arms, but then he unbuttoned his shirt and let Stewie latch onto his breast. As Stewie sucked away, he finally woke. Confused, Stewie removed a hair from his mouth and glanced up. When he saw his father trying to breastfeed him, Stewie went into shock and almost threw up.
8. Played Golf with O.J. Simpson
Perhaps the most contentious moment in Family Guy history came when O.J. Simpson (Mike Henry) visited Spooner Street. In the episode “The Juice is Loose!” (2009), Peter came across an old raffle ticket he had yet to cash in.
It turned out Peter was entitled to one free round of golf with former athlete Orenthal James Simpson who was suspected and tried for murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown and waiter Ron Goldman in 1994. At first, Peter wore a wire in hopes of implicating the one-time running back, but Griffin soon changed his attitude.
Peter decided to welcome Simpson into his home and then sway the community into accepting the former athlete’s innocence. In an impassioned speech at the episode’s conclusion, O.J. won over the angry mob intent on taking him down. But Simpson suddenly murdered several people with a knife! The killer then fled on foot with the horde in hot pursuit. Peter finally realized O.J. was guilty.
7. Created Petoria
Peter gave a whole new meaning to the speech “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses…” when he created his own country in the episode “E. Peterbus Unum” (2000). While trying to get a permit for a swimming pool from Mayor West (Adam West), Peter discovered his home was blacked-out on the official city map.
West made the mistake of telling Peter his property wasn’t part of the United States. So, as he always did, Peter made a mountain out of a molehill and declared his home was its own independent nation: Petoria.
Unfortunately, Peter let his new power go to his head when he invaded Joe’s property. Peter was desperate to take over his friend's swimming pool. Later, after his utilities were cut, and he engaged in a standoff with the U.S. Army, Peter agreed to a truce with Joe and the city of Quahog. Petoria was swiftly wiped off the map.
6. Established PTV
Peter Griffin somewhat smugly took on the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) in the episode “PTV” (2005). Following an incident at the Emmy Awards involving David Hyde Pierce, the FCC overreacted by editing out even more television content.
Enraged, Peter decided to combat the FCC’s behavior by creating his own channel where he could control the content. To prove a point, he aired controversial episodes of All in the Family (1971-1979) and The Waltons (1971-1981). Peter also created original programming such as Cheeky Bastard, Midnight Q, and The Side Boob Hour.
Annoyed with her husband’s antics, Lois decided to turn him in to the FCC. As a result of Lois' actions, the FCC not only censored PTV but real life, too. Once the FCC began screwing with the Griffin’s sex life, though, Lois eventually admitted Peter was right. In the end, Peter swayed Congress to intervene in the FCC’s madness.
5. Replicated 'Jackass'
Peter Griffin decided to put his friends in physical danger after they watched the television program Jackass (2000-2002), in the episode “The Man with Two Brians” (2008). The MTV stunt show was hosted by Johnny Knoxville, and it inspired Peter, Brian, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire to perform a number of outlandish stunts.
The gang hoisted a shopping cart onto the roof of the Griffin home. Peter climbed in and let Cleveland and Quagmire shove him off the top of the house. Despite yanking his spine up several notches, Peter wouldn’t take the hint. After Quagmire survived lathering his private parts in honey, and attracting a swarm of bees, Peter and the others drove out to the lake.
Joe then built a massive ramp, so Peter could be propelled through the air like he was flying. Dressed up like the Greatest American Hero, Peter was launched over the lake soaring like a superhero. Unfortunately, Peter crashed into a tree and almost drowned. Joe quickly rescued Peter when Brian’s back gave out, and the two Griffins almost perished.
4. Wrote an Erotic Novel
To the shame of the literary world, Peter Griffin tried his hand at writing in the episode “Peterotica” (2006). After being encouraged by his friends, Peter read his work to Lois. Intrigued, Lois suggested Peter give his story to her father Carter Pewterschmidt (MacFarlane) who agreed to finance publishing it for five dollars.
To everyone’s amazement, Peter became a best-selling author. But while a man was listening to the audiobook Peterotica: The Hot Chick Who Was Italian or Maybe Some Kind of Spanish, read by Betty White, the driver was involved in a crash.
Pewterschmidt was liable as publisher and lost everything he had because of Peter. Fortunately, Mrs. Pewterschmidt (Borstein) left Carter, married Ted Turner and took half his money when she divorced him. Somehow, the Pewtershmidts survived the painful ordeal set in motion be their idiotic son-in-law.
3. Tried to Have Sex with Lois' Ear
“Prick Up Your Ears” (2006), in season five, nearly saw Peter Griffin have sex with his wife's ear. After a school assembly promoted abstinence to the students at James Woods High, the speech inspired Peter’s daughter Meg to become part of the Opal Ring Crusade.
Meg and her boyfriend couldn’t have traditional intercourse, so they decided to get creative and find other ways to stimulate each other. Lois was shocked when she found the kids doing it in the ear! Later, Peter followed Meg’s lead and became abstinent himself.
Fed up, Lois wanted to have sex with her husband. Peter decided to use his daughter’s loophole, so he mounted his wife’s ear. Furious, Lois had traditional intercourse with Peter. In the end, Lois reached out to Meg and her classmates. She assured them it was natural and healthy to have sex. Lois also encouraged them to practice safe sex by using condoms.
2. Got Stewie Hooked on Steroids
When Stewie got his butt kicked by Joe’s toddler, Susie Swanson, Peter was mortified his son got beat up by a girl. Mr. Griffin quickly surmised taking his boy to the gym to beef up was the best option in the episode “Stew-Roids” (2009).
While at the gym, Stewie struggled lifting the weights. A mysterious person casually approached Peter and suggested the boy might need the help of steroids. Unfathomably, Peter allowed Stewie to take the drug, and suddenly Stewart was pumping iron like Rocky Balboa.
Lois was beside herself when Peter got home with their son. Lois was absolutely incensed when she found out her baby was on steroids. Stewie strutted around proudly, and even picked on Brian, thanks to his increased strength. But the effects soon wore off, and Stewie returned to his puny self.
1. Slept with Bill Clinton
Former president Bill Clinton visited Spooner Street in the season five episode “Bill & Peter’s Bogus Journey” (2007). When his limo broke down in front of the Griffin’s house, Mr. Clinton had one of his security guards call on Peter for help.
Rather than simply using a jack to fix the flat tire, Peter assumed he could lift the car himself. After he threw his back out, and ended up in the hospital, Clinton showed up and proceeded to try and cheer Peter up. The pair got into all kinds of trouble, but it all seemed in good fun to Peter. But once Lois tried to intervene, she made the mistake of sleeping with Bill.
In order to make things right, Lois wanted to get Peter laid to even the score. Lois was shocked when Peter said he wanted to sleep with Mrs. Pewterschmidt, but Lois reluctantly agreed to ask her mother for the sexual favor. In the end, Peter couldn’t go through with it.
Rather, he went and confronted Clinton to give him a piece of his mind. But even Peter could resist Bill’s wicked charms as he ended up sleeping with the former president himself!